I took the key words from the dream and started there by looking up a plausible meaning in my favorite dream book, “I had the strangest dream… The Dreamer’s Dictionary for the 21st Century by Kelly Sullivan Walden. This is my go-to book for quick reference on dreams. She seems to have a knack for finding the right explanation, or something close enough to be able to apply to my dream journals. I apologize for taking these entries straight out of her manual, but I know of no other way to reference them clearly.
These are the words I circled:
These were the ones listed and seemed most prominent from my journal. This is what she said about each item;
- Monkey – playfulness, mischief and freedom. The Hindu god Hanuman is said to be immortal and the link between humans and God. Dreams of a monkey as well can symbolize the freedom that leads to divine vision. A monkey can also represent frivolity, impulsivity, monkey business, goofing around, and that you are not taking life seriously.
I have been in an unemployed state for over two years now. I seem to not take this situation as seriously as I should. I am “monkeying around” with my future, living in a make-believe world where it’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt, and that someone is D, who’s put up with more than enough of empty promises and pipe dreams. I am in my mid-50’s, with no security, no insurance, no sense of stability other than my writing and backlog of work I’d produced over the last 35 years.
- Movie – gaining objectivity about your life, the script and the roles that you play. It can also represent a desire for glamour and recognition.
I have always craved recognition, since I was a child. I want to be noticed, rewarded, and respected for the things I’ve created and done with my life in the service of God and my neighbors; and without sounding righteous, I have given much of myself to clients and bosses to the extent that my own self-esteem, pride and dignity have been shattered. Every place I’ve worked, every person I associate with, seem to hold an invisible tether over my head, so I end up ass-kissing because my meal ticket depends on my ability to be a pawn to whomever holds the money. I am not poor, just perpetually broke; and now broken. This may be the “Woody” aspect of being a gopher, trodden on by everyone including myself.
- Army – you are preparing for an attack or that that you are feeling a threat to your survival or well being.
Got that right. Like I stated above, all I have in my corner is love. I am grateful, but there’s more monkeys than I can handle and they keep coming at me in increasing numbers. My wife, sons, family believe in me, but everyone is exasperated in faith at this point in my life.
- White – symbolize innocence, surrender, peace and protection. Spirit awareness, enlightenment chakra
This is the light I keep burning, this belief, this faith, this vigil that there is light at the end of this eternal tunnel. I am spiritually grounded, innocent to the point of naivete, and surrendered to all an artist can give in his own beliefs, lies, and tomfoolery. I have the faith to keep trying many different avenues, but all seem to end in a blank slate.
- Jar – feeling contained, bottled up, unable to express yourself. Perhaps you are preserving your feeling until the time is right.
Right again. I feel trapped, only by my consequences, not my opportunities or talents. I really do believe in my craft and my works, but I’ve been shot down in so many other avenues of life, so constantly working to keep my family afloat, that even though I know what it takes to write full time, I have not figured out the formula to give myself that time and permission to follow this path fully. I have to work hour to hour, by the dollar. I can’t seem to take the lid off my life.
- Comedy – symbolize your ability to see, the comedy in the tragedy of life, and to find the tragedy in the comedy, which is the mark of genius.
I told you Kelly Sullivan Walden was terrific. I think this last one nailed it because I looked at “actor and Woody” (which there was none) and feel that comedy is where my heart always, always was. I am writing what interested me as a child in other journals and I haven’t yet gotten to how much laughter and comedy have meant to me all my life; everything from being tickled to laughing at my brother’s jokes and puns, the shows I watched with my mother, the laughter I was able to conjure to the point of friends being red in the face and out of breath from laughing so much at my take on the world or a particular situation. The tragedy is the letting go of my comedy; and the comedy is that all I see is tragedy in this bleakness, instead of the opportunity to laugh at my stupid, senseless situation and the lessons I’d failed to see that created it. I have always loved making others laugh, but now I’m so morose that I can’t even make myself laugh.
The movie unfolded on plain, white walls. I am Woody, feeling sorry for myself, complaining, finding the humor in existence by unable to laugh at or with it. I am fighting my own war. I’ve got a thousand monkeys on my bed, but it’s the bed I’ve made for myself.
It was a dream that was memorable and fun, but deeply instructive. Just writing about it here, after giving it the distance of a couple months, I am able to see what it meant and what I must do with the information.